Issue 47 | August 2025

The Shift

Discomfort

Think about one of your most meaningful personal breakthroughs. Was it smooth and effortless, or did it come from pushing into the gritty, uncomfortable space just beyond what you thought you could handle?

These days, we’ve become obsessed with eliminating every possible stressor through over-optimization, overprotection, and constant convenience. The unintended result? People and systems that crumble when reality inevitably throws a punch.

It’s a strange contradiction. While we work tirelessly to make life as cushy as possible, most of us also insist we’d never choose to spend our days drifting in a blissful haze of soma or trapped in a warm biopod suspended in a simulation.

Deep down, we know challenge gives life its edge and its meaning.

Discomfort isn't your enemy. 

The first time I started to suspect this was when I sat down with my first client as a therapist. Of course, acting had brought up the sweaty palms, shaky voice, occasional blank mind, but at that time, I told myself I just had to “get through it” until it got easier. But sitting in therapy, a new awareness came online. This was information. The goal wasn’t to erase the nerves or plow through them. It was to carry them with me, sitting shotgun.

I’ve realized the goal isn’t even to reduce discomfort. The goal is to create the best relationship you can with an inevitable part of existence. 

Marcus Aurelius wrote,

Instead of fleeing discomfort, the Stoics suggested we lean in.

Seneca actually urged practicing poverty and hardship deliberately. Not out of masochism, but to loosen comfort’s grip on the mind. Mild discomforts like cold water, hunger, and fatigue were seen as a kind of mental training ground. 

By exposing ourselves to controlled adversity, we learn that discomfort is survivable, that fear of it is often worse than the thing itself, and that our peace of mind doesn’t have to depend on external conditions.

The samurai of feudal Japan were practitioners of a similar disciplined way of life known as bushidō — the “way of the warrior.” Central to bushidō was the cultivation of mental resilience and stoicism in the face of physical hardship and emotional turmoil.

David Goggins, a former Navy SEAL, has become a modern example of these teachings. Goggins built his philosophy of mental toughness from a life of extreme challenges—childhood abuse, obesity, military training, and ultramarathons. Seeking out suffering deliberately is a process he calls “callusing the mind.” Each time you push past the point where your mind says “stop,” you expand your capacity.

If this sounds a bit too intense for your liking. I understand, but there is actually a softer way to embrace this philosophy. 

Mindfulness meditation teacher Jon Kabat-Zinn approaches discomfort from the opposite end of the spectrum, not through forceful pushing, but through stillness and observation of sensations, thoughts, and emotions with detached awareness.

He suggests observing discomfort, whether physical or emotional, without judgment, panic, or avoidance.  By simply observing sensations without immediately trying to change or escape them, we discover they are more tolerable than we assume.

It’s what Susan David, author of Emotional Agility, calls not being “hooked” by emotions (letting them dictate behavior) but instead being aware of them without being controlled by them. 

Pain may still be present, but by shifting your relationship to it, you remove the additional layer of tension created by avoidance. 

So, how can you reframe your relationship with discomfort starting today?

Experiment. 

Instead of shrinking from what feels unpleasant, try this: identify one small discomfort you’ve been avoiding—maybe a difficult conversation, a project that intimidates you, going through your bills and bank statements, a workout, or an uncomfortable emotion. Whatever it is, face it. In whatever way that makes sense to you. To get curious and expand awareness. 

When stress flares, remind yourself that this is your body lending you resources, not sabotaging you. The path to anything worthwhile is paved with boredom, failure, embarrassment, anger, setbacks, or moments of deep uncertainty. Now is your chance to dance with it.

If I’ve learned anything, it’s that the things we want most — deep relationships, meaningful work, and personal growth — live on the other side of repeated encounters with unease. Which means the skill worth cultivating isn’t how to avoid discomfort, but how to use the raw material and make something of it. 

Until next time—thanks for reading.

Looking for more information about therapy with me? Click Here