In Good Company: Making Peace With the Person You Can’t Escape — Yourself

The Update

Hello Friends!

Happy Mother’s Day. This is my first one as a mom—wild. To all the mothers out there: thank you for everything you do. For the countless unseen moments, the quiet planning, the constant loving. You hold so much, and it matters more than you know.

In case you missed it. Check out last week’s article.

THE INTERNAL DIAL METHOD:
HOW TO IMPROVE SELF-CONFIDENCE & SELF-ESTEEM →

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The Shift

IN GOOD COMPANY

This week, I graduated another client—a moment that's always bittersweet. When someone meets their goals and no longer needs support, we close our work and say our goodbyes.

What I’ve noticed in every client who completes their journey? They’ve grown deeply comfortable with themselves.

It sounds simple, but many of us can barely stand ourselves.

How many times have you just been fed up with yourself? How many times have you ignored, criticized, dismissed, and distracted yourself from whatever is going on internally? I get it. I’ve been there too.

But those who “graduate” no longer make themselves wrong for what they feel. For the most part, they don’t shame their sadness or deflect their fear. They don’t doom scroll their boredom or laugh away their pain.

They notice it. They sit with it. They stay.

And in staying with it, it becomes familiar. And familiar is less terrifying.

As Mel Robbins describes, when we lack the tools to process our emotions, we act like "8-year-olds stuck in big bodies"— giving the silent treatment, running away, or lashing out.

Emotional maturity is building the capacity to stay with yourself.

To learn what emotions actually feel like in the body.
To build tools to navigate hard feelings.
To stop resisting and start accepting.
And most of all—to meet yourself with love, not judgment.

THE HANDSHAKE

Some time ago, I heard Matthew McConaughey discuss this concept in a way that has stayed with me.

In 1996, riding the wave of his breakout success in A Time to Kill, he found himself drowning in confusion and overwhelm. Seeking clarity, he disappeared into the Peruvian jungle for a 21-day solo trek. This wasn't a glamorous escape—it was a profound confrontation.

By the twelfth day, stripped of comfort and companionship, McConaughey hit an emotional wall. "I was full-on sick of myself," he recalled, burdened by guilt, regret, and self-hatred. "I was disgusted with the company I was keeping: my own. I was mentally beating the sh*t out of myself."

In a symbolic gesture of releasing his ego and identity, he removed his father's gold ring and let go of the external trappings that had come to define him. It was the moment he stopped running and began accepting.

He went to sleep that night empty, uncertain what would remain when morning came.

When he awoke, something had shifted. He felt lighter. He had forgiven himself and made peace. "I shook hands with myself," he said.

So, how can you be in good company with yourself?

I won't pretend this is a simple three-step process after which you'll suddenly have an amazing relationship with yourself. But it is a starting point:

Remove the Noise.

We are flooded with input—opinions, expectations, commentary. Most of it isn’t ours.

To hear your real voice, you have to clear space.

At first, your intuition, that your inner wisdom, may appear like August Landmesser—the lone man refusing to salute at a Nazi rally in Hamburg. 

Quiet. Defiant. Resolute.

You just need to slow down long enough to notice it.

Sit with the Discomfort. 

Don’t numb it. Don’t run away from it. Face the parts of yourself you usually avoid—anger, shame, self-loathing.

Let it surface. And observe.

Yes, it will be uncomfortable. But living a life constantly trying to escape is also uncomfortable.

During his 27 years of imprisonment, Nelson Mandela made a radical choice: to treat even his most hostile prison guards with respect.

Rather than being consumed by hatred, he remained curious about the humanity on the other side of the bars. He listened. He observed. He learned. Over time, many guards softened—some even became his allies.

The parts of you that are insufferable, the parts you despise, the parts you’re “fed up” with — they too can become your allies.

Accept and Forgive.

This might seem like a tall order. You may think, “You don’t know what I’ve done.” 
True.

But I know this—you’ve probably punished yourself enough.
The shame, the self-criticism, the inner beatdowns.
Has it helped? If not, maybe… try setting it down?
(You can always pick up the pitchfork if being kind to yourself doesn’t work.)

The truth is — Here, alone with yourself, you no longer need to prove or pretend anything. Like everyone reading this, you are flawed, imperfect, and prone to mistakes. We are utterly human. And fortunately, that's something we all have in common.

Think of Kintsugi, the Japanese art of repairing cracks with gold— self-acceptance transforms our "broken" parts into our most distinctive strengths.

The Essentials

YOUR WEEKLY TOOLKIT

TIME LEFT

This is an uncommon recommendation, but I know people struggle with isolation and meeting new people. Time Left hosts weekly dinners where 5 strangers, matched by a personality algorithm, connect over a shared meal. I haven’t been, but have heard great things.

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EFFECT OF STRESS ON OUR BRAIN & BODY

Neuroscientist, Dr. Yewande Pearse walks you through the science of stress: what happens in the brain when someone is stressed, the different kinds of stress, why stress is triggered, and how mindfulness can help.

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WISDOM AT 96

What gives you a sense of awe? You can find it every day, often in the humblest places. I found this little video quite moving. It is life advice from a century of experience.

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