How to Stop ‘Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop’: Take in the Good

The Shift

Stop 'Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop'

I'm sure you've had a moment like this: things are going okay, or maybe they're even going quite well, but all of a sudden you notice an undercurrent of impending doom—almost as if having some peace and steadiness is too good to be true.

We're so used to the anxiety of life that it almost feels irresponsible not to worry, as if stressing is a form of preparation for the inevitable and a sufficient way to ensure we avoid disappointment.

Ironically, waiting for the other shoe to drop is essentially volunteering to experience the bad thing twice: once in anxious anticipation, and once if/when it actually happens.

This isn't entirely our fault. Our brains are essentially anxiety machines—like a storm watcher on a sunny day. They tilt negative, expect catastrophe, and are eternally pessimistic.

This "negativity bias" gives far more weight to potential threats than to actual good things happening right now.

Neuropsychologist, Rick Hanson, describes it like this: "The brain is like Velcro for negative experiences but Teflon for positive experiences."

The brain preferentially scans for, responds to, stores, and recalls negative information instead of positive information.

A famous research study by John Gottman at the University of Washington found that it takes at least five positive interactions to outweigh a single negative one.

While this finding applies specifically to relationship dynamics, not general cognitive processing, decades of research show that emotionally arousing events, especially negative ones, are more likely to be encoded and retained in long-term memory than neutral or positive events.

But daily life consists largely of neutral or positive moments. The problem is they tend to pass through the mind quickly and do not get deeply encoded unless attention is paid to them deliberately or they are emotionally intense.

Over time, the accumulation of disproportionately negative memories can subtly change our mood, worldview, and self-concept, making us more anxious, pessimistic, or self-critical.

The obvious first question is: what do we do about this?

Use neuroplasticity to counteract it.

The 3-Step Method for Building Positive Neural Networks

Positive experiences can counterbalance negative schemas and memories if they are attended to, emotionally felt, and reflected upon.

1. Notice the Good

Good things happen all day long—a friend texts us something nice, a stranger gives us a compliment, the warmth of sunlight hits our skin, we experience the satisfaction of completing a task, or feel pride after finishing a workout.

But these moments are barely registered. We deflect the compliment. We don't acknowledge the positive relationship. We don't enjoy the sunlight. We move to the next task, or we beat ourselves up, saying we could have pushed harder.

Instead, intentionally pay attention and allow yourself to feel the goodness of the experience, slowing down enough to let these moments register emotionally.

2. Deepen the Good

The brain encodes experiences more deeply when they are felt strongly, savored longer, and involve multiple senses.

Rather than noticing something pleasant and then quickly moving on, linger in it. Really feel it in your body and as an emotional state. Deepen your awareness of it and allow it to expand. Stay with the experience for even 15-30 seconds longer. Research shows that holding a positive experience for longer begins to convert short-term memory buffers into long-term storage because it gives the brain time to create new and lasting neural connections. This is a practice neuroscientists call "self-directed neuroplasticity."

3. Embody the Good

This is the gentle intention to absorb the positive moment—to allow it to become part of you. You might say to yourself, "I'm taking this in," or "This is becoming part of who I am."

This step helps the brain transfer the fleeting experience into long-term emotional memory, building a more positive and resilient inner foundation. Studies in experience-dependent neuroplasticity confirm that this kind of deliberate mental absorption strengthens neural pathways associated with positive emotional states.

By regularly practicing these three steps, you will give yourself a more accurate perception of reality. Try to take in the good at least once today.

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