The Shift

Stop Overthinking and Act

When faced with decisions—whether about careers, relationships, or identity—we often spiral into loops of analysis paralysis.

One of the most insidious aspects of overthinking is that it feels productive. It mimics the shape of problem-solving—linear, effortful, focused—so we often mistake it for progress. We spin through hypothetical scenarios, run simulations in our minds, and rehearse conversations or outcomes as though sheer mental repetition will guarantee the best result.

But what's actually happening beneath the surface?

When you're under stress, your nervous system flags danger. The brain responds by kicking the Default Mode Network into high gear—the part of your brain that handles self-talk and mental time travel. So you start looping through "what ifs," worst-case scenarios, and imagined outcomes. It says, "If I can just figure it out in my head, I won't have to feel the grief, the shame, the fear, the loss, the risk."

Overthinking is a protective mechanism—one that defends us against experiencing our uncomfortable emotions or uncertainty. This usually happens because remnants of past trauma and unmet needs tell you it's not safe enough to process them.

So the solution: turn inward—toward the emotions, the signals from the body, and the parts that are demanding to be heard—and face them.

When you're overthinking, it's often a sign there's an inner tug-of-war going on. One part of you wants to play it safe and look good. Another part is trying to stay in control and make the "right" choice. And then there's the hidden part—the one with the bold, messy, or uncomfortable truths you're not fully owning yet. This is the part that we want to pull toward center stage.

This part holds the emotions that need to be processed—like grief, anger, fear, and yearning. Processing these emotions is direction-giving and naturally leads to more clarity. Until the underlying emotion is fully metabolized (cried, raged, grieved, etc.), the mind will continue looping in search of resolution. The body knows before the brain can.

How This Plays Out in Real Life

In therapy, this is how this plays out—whether in career decisions, romantic relationships, friendships, or life paths—the process is generally the same. But for the sake of understanding, let's take career as an example.

Let's say you want to make a career change. You want to pursue something more aligned with your passions, but you keep overthinking the decision.

You feel it before you can name it.
A quiet nudge. A pull away from what you’re doing toward… something else.

Sometimes it shows up loud—like dreading Monday mornings or venting to friends about how much you hate your job. Sometimes it’s quieter—a vague dissatisfaction, a sense of dissonance. You’re out of alignment, even if you can’t explain why.

Most people stop here. They chalk it up to realism:
“That’s just life. You’re not supposed to love what you do.”

But there’s a difference between tolerating discomfort and actively contributing to your own misery.

Let’s say you don’t ignore it this time.
You follow the thread. That wise, honest part of you says, “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

Then the fear kicks in. The overthinking takes over.
“You can’t quit.”
“You need the money.”
“Be grateful. Other people are struggling to find work.”

And just like that, the wise part goes quiet. It doesn’t argue or demand. It waits.

But it doesn’t go away.
It whispers again, “This isn’t for you.”

And if you listen this time, really listen—it’s not the decision that you’re running from. Decisions are made in a moment. It’s facing the fear. The grief. The anger.

And with that, memories resurface. Old stories about safety and scarcity return.

But underneath it all, there’s truth.

Yes, it’s scary to change.
But living disconnected and unhappy? That’s scary too.

So you ask:
What does make me feel alive?
When do I feel that inner glow, that quiet yes, that lightness?

You develop an acute sense for what is happening in your body in the present moment. Track your bodily response. Does your chest tighten or soften? Is there a tear? A deep breath?

These somatic markers are not just "intuition"—they are neurobiological evidence of alignment or dissonance. Decisions are not made in the mind alone, but in the felt sense of inner truth.

I won't pretend that if you confront some of the deeper emotions, they will just disappear, and you'll feel zero discomfort in making a hard decision. It doesn't work like that. The goal is not to make a perfect choice; it's to make a more aligned decision that feels authentic and is the most informed based on the information you have right now—a decision that honors your many parts, that arises from emotional truth, and that is grounded in embodied clarity.

And a piece of advice: This decision will not be the last decision. This too is just a pivot point off a decision you made previously. That is all decisions really are, experiments and pivot points. Pivot in a direction of resonance not fear.

Recap:

1. Go internal. Stop asking for advice and seeking answers outside yourself.

2. Get honest with your emotions. Not the anxiety and stress loops dressed up like logic. They are not a reliable guide for present decision-making.

3. Process what you’re really feeling, and truths will emerge.

4. Keep pivoting until you're satisfied.