4 Ways to Create Safety in Your Body

Creating safety in your body is like learning a new language—the language of your nervous system. 

Like any novice, it requires patience as you attune and synchronize with the natural cadence of your breath, fumble over the subtle signals your body sends, and slowly master the vocabulary of sensation — learning to distinguish between the whispers of mild discomfort and the shouts of genuine distress.

This isn't about forcing relaxation or pushing away difficult feelings. Instead, it's about working with your body's natural capacity for healing and regulation.

Just as a forest naturally regenerates after a fire, our bodies have innate wisdom and healing capacities when given the right conditions and support.

What Your Body Needs to Feel Safe

Our nervous system is fundamentally designed for connection and predictability, requiring specific conditions to achieve a state of genuine safety. 

At its core, our system seeks co-regulation - the soothing presence of other humans and animals - as a primary signal that we can relax our vigilance. This biological need for connection reflects our evolutionary heritage as social beings, where survival depended on being part of a trusted group.

Beyond connection, our nervous system requires clarity, choice, and understanding to fully settle into safety. 

When we can predict what's coming next (generally speaking), understand why things are happening, and maintain a sense of agency in our responses, our body receives crucial signals that it's okay to relax. These elements - the how, what, and why of our circumstances - create a framework of predictability that allows our nervous system to shift from survival mode into a state of rest and restoration, where healing and growth become possible.

Understanding Nervous System Basics 

Understanding the language of the nervous system means recognizing how our body communicates and responds to different experiences, especially those related to safety, threat, and connection. 

The nervous system “speaks” through physiological responses, like heart rate, breathing patterns, muscle tension, and even facial expressions. 

It's constantly gathering intelligence about your surroundings through your senses, your skin, your muscles, and even your gut, using this information to determine whether you're safe or whether you need to respond to potential threats.

These responses are automatic and unconscious, shaped by the autonomic nervous system (ANS), which includes the sympathetic and parasympathetic branches, and are influenced by the vagus nerve, a key player in regulating our state of arousal.

Arousal States:

Sympathetic Nervous System (Fight or Flight):

Imagine you're walking alone at night and hear footsteps behind you. Before you've even had time to form a conscious thought, your sympathetic nervous system has already kicked into high gear – your heart starts pumping faster to get more blood to your muscles, your breathing quickens to take in more oxygen, and your pupils dilate to let in more light. Your digestion slows down to and stress hormones flood your system to give you that burst of energy to fight or run.The language here is one of heightened alertness and readiness.

Parasympathetic Nervous System:

This system calms the body after the threat has passed. It’s responsible for the “rest and digest” functions, slowing the heart rate, normalizing breathing, and promoting relaxation.This system is your body's restoration and recovery mode, the state where healing happens and your body can replenish its resources. 

• Ventral Vagal (Social Engagement): This is a more evolved part of the parasympathetic system. When this system is engaged, it signals safety and allows us to feel calm, relaxed present, and connected. It allows you to be vulnerable with others, to digest not just your food but also your experiences and emotions. 

• Dorsal Vagal (Freeze or Shutdown): When faced with overwhelming stress or danger, the dorsal vagal response might lead to immobilization, dissociation, or shutdown. This state is marked by decreased energy, a slow heart rate, shallow breathing, and a sense of numbing.

4 Ways to Create Safety In Your Body

There are several practical ways to rebuild and strengthen our sense of safety. (This list doesn’t include various grounding and breathing techniques but these should be used in conjunction with them.)

The following approaches integrate evidence-based methods from neuroscience, trauma therapy, and somatic psychology. These techniques help rewire our nervous system's response to stress while creating new, healthy patterns of safety in our body.

1. Know and Respect Your Window Of Tolerance 

The "window of tolerance," a concept developed by Dr. Dan Siegel, represents the optimal arousal zone where we can effectively process and respond to our daily experiences. Within this window, we can think clearly, feel our emotions without being overwhelmed, and engage meaningfully with others. 

When we are outside our window of tolerance we move into one of two different states: hyperarousal or hypoarousal. 

Understanding Hyperarousal

Hyperarousal, often referred to as the “fight, flight, or freeze” response, is a heightened state of nervous system activation. In this state, the body remains on high alert, even in the absence of actual danger. A person experiencing hyperarousal may feel a sudden surge of energy or tension, often feeling as though they have little control over their reactions. It can be triggered by perceived threats, traumatic memories, or intense emotions.

Common Symptoms of Hyperarousal:

• Angry outbursts

• Fear and anxiety

• Emotional overwhelm

• Panic attacks

• Hypervigilance (constant scanning for danger)

• Muscle tension

• Feeling frozen or stuck ("deer in the headlights")

Individuals who struggle with hyperarousal often feel as though they are constantly “on,” making it difficult to relax, sleep, regulate emotions, or focus. Their body may feel tense and on edge, which can sometimes lead to irritability, outbursts, or hostility.

When the Nervous System Feels Overactivated

What You Need:
✅ Grounding & Safety – Reconnect to the present moment (e.g., "I am safe, I am here.")
✅ Breathwork – Slow, deep belly breathing (e.g., inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 6)
✅ Movement – Walk, stretch, shake out tension to release adrenaline
✅ Soothing Touch – Self-hug, press hands to chest, rub arms gently
✅ Sensory Regulation – Hold something cold, press feet into the floor, listen to calming music
✅ Connection – A trusted friend, pet, or comforting voice
✅ Lower Stimulation – Dim lights, quiet space, reduce sensory input

Understanding Hypoarousal

Hypoarousal, also known as the “shutdown” or “collapse” response, occurs when the nervous system becomes overwhelmed and shifts into a state of low energy and disengagement. Similar to hyperarousal, it can be triggered by trauma-related memories, emotions, or perceived threats. However, instead of becoming hyper-alert, a person experiencing hypoarousal may feel emotionally detached, withdrawn, or even dissociated.

Common Symptoms of Hypoarousal:

• Depression or low mood

• Emotional numbness

• A sense of emptiness

• Reduced muscle tone or a slumped posture

• Blank or unfocused stare

• Difficulty speaking or responding

• Dissociation (feeling disconnected from oneself or surroundings)

When in a state of hypoarousal, individuals may struggle with basic self-care, including sleep and eating patterns. They may feel disconnected from their emotions, struggle to engage socially, and find it challenging to express their thoughts or needs.

When the Nervous System Feels Underactivated

What You Need:
✅ Gentle Activation – Small movements (wiggling fingers, swaying, stretching)
✅ Warmth & Comfort – A weighted blanket, cozy socks, warm tea
✅ Rhythmic Stimulation – Rocking, humming, tapping to reconnect
✅ Engagement – Look around the room, describe objects, listen to upbeat music
✅ Hydration & Nourishment – Drink water, eat something grounding (e.g., protein, warm foods)
✅ Connection – Reach out to someone safe, even if just a short text
✅ Self-Compassion – Remind yourself that it's okay to feel this way and it will pass

Both hyperarousal and hypoarousal reflect nervous system dysregulation and can make it difficult to feel safe, present, and in control. 

Recognizing these states is the first step toward developing tools to restore balance and regulate emotional responses effectively.

For individuals who have experienced trauma, regulating emotions can be challenging, and the capacity to function within an optimal arousal zone often becomes limited.

No matter where you are in the process, the point is to start taking note of which state you're in and what caused state changes, that way you can respond appropriately to yourself. 

2. Develop Interoception 

Interoception is our body's internal sensing system - detecting everything from subtle emotional shifts to physical needs. 

Just as we might strengthen a muscle or develop a new skill, enhancing our interoceptive awareness takes time, gentle attention, and consistent practice. 

Here's how to begin cultivating this vital awareness:

1. Daily Body Awareness Practice:

• Set intentional "body check-in" moments throughout your day (upon waking, before meals, during transitions)

• Begin with clear physical sensations (heartbeat, hunger pangs, muscle tension)

• Progress to more subtle awareness (energy levels, emotional residue, digestive signals)

• Notice physical sensations without trying to change them

• Map the connection between your emotions and their physical expressions

• Pay attention to your baseline state so you can detect shifts

2. Develop Your Somatic Vocabulary:

• Get specific about anxiety: Is it butterflies, knots, vibration, or pressure?

• Map your safety signals: Where do you feel most grounded and settled?

• Track your breath patterns: How does your breathing shift with different emotional states?

• Identify your body's "rest signals": What sensations tell you it's time to pause?

• Notice pleasure and comfort: Where do you feel joy, peace, or contentment?

• Document your unique stress signatures: What physical signs predict overwhelm?

3. Practice Embodied Tracking:

• Notice the intensity of sensations on a scale of 1-10

• Track how sensations shift and move through your body

• Observe the relationship between thoughts and physical responses

• Recognize patterns between daily activities or proximity to certain people and bodily states

• Build awareness of your nervous system's activation and settling cues

Remember: Developing interoception isn't about changing what you feel – it's about becoming a skilled observer of your body's ongoing conversation with the world. This awareness builds the foundation for all other safety practices.

3. Cultivating Present-Moment Safety

Since our nervous system often operates on outdated survival programs, it might maintain vigilance even in safe environments. 

Learning to recognize and settle into present safety is a fundamental skill for nervous system regulation. 

When you notice yourself getting dysregulated when you are currently in a safe place with safe people or by yourself, ask:

Can I be safe when I am safe when nothing bad is happening?

Consciously orient yourself to the environment you are in, reminding yourself of the current time and place you are in. You are no longer in the unsafe environment. You are right here, right now, and your body is safe. 

Feel your feet connected to the ground or your body supported by the chair and repeat helpful mantras, “I am safe.” “I am allowed to feel safe.” “It is safe to relax." "I am here, I am present, I am secure."

(If you are in a dangerous environment or in an abusive relationship, do not practice this. It would be more detrimental to tell yourself you are safe when you are not safe. If this is the case, the first step would be removing yourself from the situation before attempting to calm your nervous system.)

4. Build the Positive Neural Network

Strengthening your positive memory network is essential for rewiring your nervous system toward safety, especially given our brain's natural tendency toward negativity bias. 

This intentional practice of cultivating and embodying positive experiences creates lasting neurological change through positive neuroplasticity. 

The process begins with deliberately activating positive memories, including all sensory details – the sights, sounds, smells, and textures that accompanied moments of joy, peace, or accomplishment. As we recall these memories, we must allow ourselves to fully experience how they live in our body, tracking pleasant sensations and staying with these good feelings to facilitate neural encoding.

Building this resource network involves creating a map of positive experiences throughout our life, including moments of competence, connection, and calm. These memories become accessible resources we can call upon during times of mild stress. 

Particularly powerful are our relational resources – memories of feeling seen, safe, special, chosen, belonging, and supported by others. This includes past experiences of genuine connection and current moments of receiving care and support. 

By allowing ourselves to take in positive feedback and appreciation, and building a library of moments where connection felt safe and nourishing, we expand our capacity to recognize and integrate positive experiences. This isn't about denying difficulties but rather about building a more flexible nervous system that can access both warning signals and comfort with appropriate timing and intensity.

Cultivating a sense of safety in the body is akin to compound interest—it requires consistency, patience, and time for its effects to accumulate and deepen. Be patient with yourself and keep investing in moments of micro safety.

Resources for your emotional & mental toolkit - including articles, strategies, techniques, frameworks, videos, people to check out, and links.

EFT Tapping Exercise:
Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) tapping is a mind-body practice that involves gently tapping on specific acupressure points on the face and body while focusing on a distressing thought or emotion. Rooted in both traditional Chinese medicine and modern psychology, EFT is designed to reduce stress, anxiety, and negative emotions by calming the nervous system and reprogramming emotional responses. The process typically includes stating an affirmation (e.g., “Even though I feel anxious, I deeply and completely accept myself”) while tapping on points like the forehead, collarbone, and under the eyes. Studies suggest EFT can help with emotional regulation, trauma processing, and even physical pain relief by interrupting stress signals in the brain.

“Good” Philosophy:
"Good" is a powerful mindset shift popularized by former Navy SEAL Jocko Willink, emphasizing resilience in the face of adversity. In his motivational speech, he explains that whenever something goes wrong—whether it’s failure, setbacks, or unexpected challenges—his response is always the same: "Good." This simple word reframes obstacles as opportunities for growth, learning, and improvement. Instead of dwelling on problems, it encourages finding solutions, adapting, and pushing forward with discipline. The "Good" mindset is a reminder that even in difficulty, there’s always something to gain—whether it’s a lesson, a new perspective, or a chance to get stronger.

Cognitive Distortions List:
Cognitive distortions are biased or irrational thought patterns that negatively influence how we perceive ourselves, others, and the world. These mental traps, often subconscious, can fuel anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. Recognizing and challenging these distortions—often through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)—can help reframe negative thoughts into more balanced and realistic perspectives, leading to healthier emotions and decision-making.

“Self-esteem is the reputation that you have with yourself.” 

Naval Ravikant